Monday, June 24, 2013//3:17 AM

Poodles and pugs

It always begins with the end. The end being you finally admitting that whatever you want (let's just call it a poodle for fun's sake) is unattainable and you're finally at peace with being poodleless. The end is great- months go by and you might even start to consider that you're more of a pug-person. But out the blue, devastatingly wonderful dreams about that poodle come crashing back, a la that space pod that contained Tom Cruise's wife in Oblivion. There's nothing wrong about the contents of the dream- it's gloriously set against the backdrop of warm, evening sun rays and you're living a fantastically happy life with your poodle. The only caveat about those dreams are when you wake up. And then it all begins. All the emotions that you've managed to put away return and you remember how it felt when you realized the fact that you'll never have that poodle. Disappointment of not being able to get it while you had the chance, disdain at your lack in persistence in trying to get it, disgust at your cowardice of letting your feelings be known (you guys know it's not REALLY about a poodle, right?), yadda yadda the list goes on. It's almost like your subconscious hates you enough to wait for you to accept your poodle-less future before it bombards you with those haunting "it could've been like this" scenarios. Like, what is up wit chu gurl? Aren't we on the same team? And if that's not enough, time tends to add insult to injury. It's been months, hell, even years since you've thought about the poodle, so when your dreams start crashing in, the poodle seems different. Sometimes it looks different and sometimes it has a different personality from Reality Poodle. "Is that all bad?" I hear some of you ask, and I understand where you're coming from because it seems like my subconscious is just creating a Poodle 2.0 (since I can't have Reality Poodle). Honestly, yes I think it's bad. It's bad because its sad that A) My subconscious still seems unable to get over it and B) I'm pining over a dream poodle that's not even an accurate depiction of Reality Poodle anymore. So basically I'm pining over something that doesn't exist. And because Dream Poodle seems void of flaws I'm afraid it's gonna affect how I learn to manage my expectations. Apparently it always begins with the end, and this end comes in cycles. You get over it, then you dream a distorted dream about it. Rinse and repeat. I honestly don't know if this cycle will end, so all I can do now is just keep getting over it and see these dreams in a positive frame: a wonderful break from a long day. But seriously, hit me up if you've got a cure for those "ugh" feelings in the morning.