Monday, May 3, 2010//1:08 AM

And....Again

a: Hello. Hello. Hello!
b: Oh! Hi! How are you? It's been ages!
a: Yeah, time really flies! It's been what, 5 years?
b: I guess so! Wow. We're seriously getting old, man.
a:Tell me about it. So what's up?
b: Oh, nothing much. Just got a job at this quaint little store downtown.
a: Really? That sounds pretty neat! What's the name?
b: Oh, it's called Bandwagon. We basically sell bags and shoes, the whole "modern" vintage gamut. So, what about you?
a: Me? I just graduated from university, and I'm going through the final stages of my divorce.
b: Wait. What? You were married? Since when?
a: Oh, after poly I got hitched to this douche and after 3 and a half years of shit, ok, the first 6 months were pretty awesome- he's pretty rich so I got to travel and shop like a snotty little bitch- I couldn't take his constant business traveling and so, yeah.
b: Wow. That's... That's really...
a: Insane? Unexpected?
b: You bet!
a: Hey, does your shop sell vintage guns? 'Cause when I was in Cowabunga I bought some gunpowder and snuck it over here. I've some tiny ball bearings that should be able to fit through most guns so all I need is the gun.
b: Gun? I think the store has a few pistols but what do you need them for?
a: Oh, I've been fantasizing about shooting my ex right between the eyeballs and I think it's about high time I fulfill that dream. You know, just like that kickass chick from that 2010 movie Kick-Ass? I think I feel like doing the deed while I blast Georges Bizet, he's this kooky opera singer. There's something poetic about shooting an asshole while some guy sings his heart out, don't you think? And I really think blood-stained carpet is soooo trendy. It's totally avant garde!
b: Oh my god. That's the coolest thing I've heard since Doctor Red said flaky pastries are the highway to a heart attack.





What I envisioned as a potential bump-into-someone-and-it-feels-kinda-awkward-convo soon morphed into stark raving madness.