Saturday, January 19, 2008//1:15 PM

romans 12:12

i got this from romans 12:12. ooh nice number.. in short it jsimply meant that when we hope, we should be joyful; when we are suffering, we should TRY to be patient (hard as that may be); and when we pray, we should be faithful.

ystd at brenda'sparty sharon asked if i was interested to go for a mission trip in Nepal during marth. and im thinkin, almost everyone i know's gone for a mission trip 'cept me, and they all came back with more faith and more enriched with their christian life. sharon says it'll cost 500plus bucks. my sweet sweet molah! sigh. for the trip;not how much it costs to have a more enriched christian life. but like you know accidents happen, and i'm scared that what if, just what if, its God's plan for me to say buh bye and like up and leave this world? like last niht i was thinking about it and i felt kinda wasted, like my life would be wasted if i left so early. ok so im scared of dying so abruptly. so sue me.

whats scaring me most is leaving without havin some sort of closure for most things in my life; like myfamily and friends and loadsa other stuff. ok pain does scare me too,but not to the extent that leaving suddenly does. and like i havent found someone who knows me inside out yet, and i was hoping iwould before i died.

yeah i know, i look and sound nothing like a 6 year old, but i guess inside, all my hopes, dreams and fears kinda belong to a little girl inside. lols im thinking of those stick figure drawings of little people. triangles for girls' dresses and two rectangles for the guys' pants. HAHAHA.

and now im thinkin Abraham sure must be a really big guy for God, cuz he had so much faith, so much that he could just leave when God told him to,without telling him the final destination while he packed his bags.

another random thought: im turning 18 this 20th of feb, and its known as LIBRERATION DAY to my coursemates cuz its the last day of our exams. and you know, when they're free, they just wana fly away to all their other friends, and im thinking, hey! how come we never had a real classouting b4? and like i just wana spend my day with my classmates but im scared of asking them cuz i already know they have other plans with their friends. so yeah. yape you better not play me out ar! i don't have an idea how i wana celebrate my birthday with my friends, like i don't PLAN: oh 1st lets walk to clarke quay and go here or there to eat and drink, then lets poceed to..yaddayaddayadda..
no, all i have in mind is that i just wana spend my day hanging out with my friends at clarke quay and just lounge and relax and buy my first real bottle of alcohol without asking someone older to do that for me. so yeah that's liberation for me. for the time being

i wish i could be like abraham, but i'm still scared. like what if God calls me to the scary 40/40 window area to minister or someplace just as scary?
i know if God plans that for me then it's the best plan i'll ever have for my life, but still, IM SCARED. so many hopes and fears, and im still 17. oh well, everything will be good while it lasts.

she has to bite the bullet and just go. i wish my future was you.